We’re All Wearing Different Glasses—And It’s Blinding Us

In a recent coaching session, I encountered a situation that left me shaken. Two individuals, deeply entrenched in conflict, each shared their version of a shared experience.

Their accounts were vivid, emotional, and detailed. Yet, as I listened, it became glaringly clear: these stories barely overlapped. Out of three key events they both described, perhaps 25% was the same. The remaining 75%? Entirely different—and not just slightly, but drastically.

Here’s the uncomfortable truth: we don’t see the world as it is. We see it as we are.

The Illusion of Truth

We like to believe our perspective is reality. That what we see, hear, and feel is objective, undeniable truth. But the hard truth is this: we are all unreliable narrators. Our lenses—shaped by past experiences, biases, emotions, and beliefs—distort the world around us.

A person raised to prioritize harmony sees conflict as aggression.
Someone driven by results sees deliberation as inaction.
An individual grappling with insecurity interprets neutral feedback as criticism.

What we call “truth” is often just a story we’ve constructed. And in moments of conflict, these stories collide, creating tension, frustration, and gridlock.

The Cost of Holding Tight to Our Lens

In the coaching session, both parties were adamant about their version of events. Each clung tightly to their lens, convinced they’d seen the full picture. The result? Stalemate.

Here’s the challenge: when you’re so fixated on your perspective, you lose the ability to empathize, to connect, and to find solutions. Conflict doesn’t resolve—it festers.

And here’s the real kicker: you’re just as blind as the person you’re arguing with.

The Coaching Wake-Up Call

As a coach, I pride myself on neutrality. But even I wasn’t immune to the pull of emotion in this session. Their passion, their conviction—it drew me in. And for a moment, I found myself reacting emotionally instead of seeing clearly.

It wasn’t until I stepped back and reflected that I realized what was happening. I, too, was wearing my own glasses.

The Hard Work of Seeing Clearly

If we want to move past conflict, we have to do the uncomfortable work of challenging our own perspective. Here’s how:

Admit Your Bias
Your lens is not the truth—it’s your truth. Acknowledge that what you’re seeing is only part of the picture.
Seek the Overlap
Even in vastly different stories, there’s always some shared ground. Start there. That’s where understanding begins.
Be Curious, Not Defensive
Instead of fighting to prove your point, ask: “What might I be missing? What does their perspective reveal that I can’t see?”
Recognize the Shared Humanity
Conflict often stems from deeply human needs—validation, security, respect. When we focus on the underlying need, instead of the surface disagreement, we find pathways to connection.

What Lens Are You Wearing?

Here’s the truth: none of us can fully take off our glasses. But we can learn to see them for what they are—a filter, not a fact.

Ask yourself:

What assumptions and biases are shaping how I see this situation?
How might someone else’s lens challenge my version of the story?
Am I willing to stop defending my perspective long enough to hear theirs?

The Provocation

Here’s the challenge: Stop assuming your version of events is the only one that matters. Stop clinging to your lens as if it’s reality. Because the moment you do, you close yourself off to growth, connection, and resolution.

Understanding doesn’t come from being right. It comes from being brave enough to admit you’re only seeing part of the picture.

So, what lens are you wearing? And are you willing to see beyond it?

#ConflictManagement #PerspectiveShift #SeeingClearly